My Potter
by Venrias
Summary: During a howling twilight at Hogwarts two students Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood venture on a quest far more dire than that of their mate Harry. A story full of interesting twists and turns as the two friends battle the forces of evil until they meet a most unlikely friend.


"Pst! Luna!" Ginny tried to grab her friend's attention.

"Yes Ginny?" the white-haired Ravenclaw turned to her.

"Come here," whispered Ginny, aroused seeing her friend wearing only a skirt and not much more. It was true that after Lord Voldermort's defeat the rules of Hogwarts were more lenient. "What is it you want Ginny?" she asked.

"So I watched the thing you showed me," Ginny whispered.

"Oh, did you like it? I re-watched it two times today. It's hard hiding a magic-resistant muggle phone here!"

"I love it, but I don't understand why Pico didn't finish the ice cream," admitted Ginny.

Luna sighed, "Well it's not about the ice cream. Have you finished the other two episodes?"

"No, I didn't dare."

"Let's go watch them now together. Hagrid is also a fan so we can have a viewing party, Buckbeak seemed to like it also.

"Sounds good!" said Ginny excitedly.

"Let's go."

"Yes."

"So ya girlies how did ya 'et wifi signal here?" asked Hagrid after Luna revealed her brand new iPhone XS Plus in golden colour. Buckbeak made a sound of a similar confusion.

"You see Hagrid, after Dumbledore died his body connected to the internet and he became a wifi tower. So now we get 5G connection everywhere, only from T-Mobile though," explained Luna thinking about the new iPad Pro. If only they could watch on a larger screen.

"Turn it on!" commanded Ginny excited, but also scared, to see the second episode of the muggle classic Boku No Pico, a beloved love story by children of all ages.

Luna gave her a nasty look, "I will! Just wait." She tapped the Gallery icon and opened the video folder where all her so called hentai and yaoi were hidden. She explained to them that hentai is a special of muggle cartoons and yaoi is only for the most intelligent of muggles. And so the second episode started. They all watched it in excitement, all but Ginny who yearned for Luna's slender body. She knew Buckbeak felt the same way.

After the episode ended Ginny asked, "Luna. Do you have anything with girls?" Luna eyed her suspiciously. "You know, for research to compare the two!"

"I do, but hentai for lesser minds," she replied. "You may compare real life, can't you?" she said seductively looking at Buckbeak.

Suddenly the sound of Fawkes, the bird (from the second movie), echoed through the area and without more than a second long delay the Sorting Hat came flying in through the window. "Yo my n-words how you doing? I heard someone's watching Boku No Pi-i-co," said the hat.

"We just finished the second episode," Ginny admitted immediately.

"The third is my favorite," the hat replied. "I watch it all the time in the headmaster's office, it gets lonely there you know."

"You can join us then," said Ginny who couldn't take her eyes of the Hat's new paintjob. A couple of weeks ago the Hat went through a mid-life crisis and had himself painted bright pink.

"STOP!" suddenly echoed through the hut. Young Hermione was standing there. "If you watch such cursed show you all must be deviants!" she screamed. "So this is what happens after we defeat Voldemort?" she asks.

"Hermione chill The FUCK out," said Buckbeak breaking his twenty years long vow of silence. "I'm a fucking bird and I'm more chill than you."

"What the fuck, did he just speak?" said Hagrid sweating. "You better not tell them a fucking thing," he whispered in the bird's direction. Fawkes gave Buckbeak an understanding wink.

"I did a lot of it too," said the other bird. "Dumbledore was needy."

"Shut up!" screamed Hermione so loud her skin turned black for only a few minutes. "I'm sorry."

"Well that wasn't very cash money of you," said a young white-haired boy standing behind Hermione.

"Scorpius!" a whisper scolded the boy. "We shouldn't do anything stupid."

"Who are you?" asked Hermione.

"I'm Scorpius Malfoy, son of Draco and this is Albus he's son of Harry." Hermione looked at them like a surprised Pikachu.

"Oh shit, are you watching Boku No Pico? Netflix made a live-action adaptation last year, it's fucking balls to the wall awesome. Dad won't stop watching for some reason," said Albus thinking about the time Harry touched his balls that one time, saying they feel like the Elder Wand.

"Oh fuck," said Luna now more into Scorpius than anyone else. She ran to the window and almost fell out. This lift her skirt up giving Buckbeak nice view. "I wanna fucking see it," she said.

"We're here thanks to a time turner, just for shits and giggles and because Albus jerked it off to his dad's blanket he gave him for his birthday," Scorpius laughed.

Suddenly a weird tall black woman appeared next to them also holding a timeturner. "Who the fuck are you my n-word?" said Buckbeak. "Don't worry, I'm also from the hood," he added with a wink.

"I'm Hermione Granger, Minister of Magic!" the woman replied. "My n-word Buckbeack, it's nice to see you."

"What?" yelled the white Hermione.

"Oh yeah, I needed to appeal to the minorities so a simple charm did it," the empowered version of Hermione, the one that appeals to minorities and a pocket of a certain hack author, said.

"Oh, that's cool," said the white Hermione (canon only in Book 1-7 and Movie 1-8 BUT NOT CANON!)

"We are forgetting why we're here!" said Luna.

"Let's drink first," suggested Albus pulling a bottle out of his pocket. Each drank a cup of the strange white liquid. "HA I got you. It's veritaserum now you are all telling the truth."

"Fuck," yelled Buckbeak. "Don't ask me about fucking Hagrid please!"

"Buckbeak!" yelled Hagrid. "Don't fucking tell them."

"Wait Hagrid, where the fuck is your accent you dumb bloody cunt," asked Fawkes talking like an Irishman.

"I pretended to have one to impress the bird around here."

"And it worked," said Buckbeak.

"Luna I wanna touch your body," blurted out Ginny with her panties wet like Hagrid's forehead.

"Ginny!" said Luna blushing like a horny bitch. "I want you more than Dumbledore wanted Harry's dick. And I know he did!"

"He did," agreed Fawkes.

"So are we gonna fuck or what?" asked Buckbeak.

"Ok who do we fuck first?" asked Scorpius.

"You, your butt looks nice," said Fawkes. And so they pulled down the young Malfoy's pants revealing his pale butt. Suddenly Scabbers crawled out of Scorpius' arsehole .

"Oh hey there and I thought they wouldn't find me here," the rat chuckled and ran away.

"Don't look at me, Albus was there like ten times and never mentioned anything," retorted Scorpius before Buckbeaks massive birdhood entered his body.

"OH YES HUMAN MALFBOY!" yelled the horny bird.

"Cum into me and I will lay your eggs!"

And only ten minutes later Scorpius hatched ten eggs.

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
